


Call it Magic

by elfgirl931



Series: Sanar Shepard [2]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Domestic Fluff, F/M, Fluff, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-19
Updated: 2015-12-04
Packaged: 2018-02-05 08:26:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 10,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1811824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elfgirl931/pseuds/elfgirl931
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of short works featuring Kaidan Alenko and Sanar Shepard, spanning all three games. Mostly prompt fills from Tumblr.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The First Moment

      The vids talk about love hitting you like a rampaging Krogan, or making you feel like you’re awash in a sea. They don’t mention the little things, the things that would seem absurd at any other time. Like how Sanar finds her eyes drawn over and over again to the little scar at the corner of Kaidan’s lip, and how she wants to ask him how he got it. Or how it makes her smile when he pulls some rare deadpan humor out of nowhere. No, falling in love with Kaidan was a slow, sweet development - but the realization still caught her by surprise.

      It happened after she’d gotten off the comms with the Council one day. After they’d berated her for her actions and refused to take her seriously for the umpteenth time, her patience was wearing very thin. Sanar was generally very even tempered, but the Council’s continued trend of thinly veiled disrespect and cleverly turned insults was beginning to wear on her.

      She didn’t quite _stomp_ out of the comm room, but she certainly didn’t use her normal evenly paced stride. She was trying to remain professional and keep her fuming on the inside, but she was unsure of whether was working. Her only concession to the anger boiling inside of her was to dig her fingernails deep into her palms as she stepped into the elevator. _Deep breaths_ , she told herself. _Deep breaths. I can lose it when I get to my cabin…_

      When the elevator door opened, she took two steps with her head down before running smack into someone. “Sorry, I wasn’t - ” she began, before she realized that it was Kaidan, looking at her with a hint of amusement on his face.

     “Where are you going in such a hurry, Shepard?” His tone changed a little when he saw the look on her face, and he leaned in ever so slightly, worry furrowing his brow. “Hey, what’s wrong? You look really upset.”

      Sanar just stared at him for a second. She’d looked at herself in the reflective surface of the elevator doors, making sure she looked composed. She couldn’t do anything about her reddened cheeks, but she knew she would look normal to most people.

       _Kaidan isn’t “most people” anymore,_ said a treacherous little voice in the back of her mind. _He **knows** you._

      “Oh,” was all that she said out loud, because she hadn’t seen it until now. “I’m fine, Kaidan. Really. Council’s being terrible, as usual.”

      “They’ll see in the end, Shepard,” he said earnestly. “For what it’s worth, I believe in you.” He swallowed and looked around with sudden nervousness. “And, uh, so does the rest of the crew.”

       _Oh my God, I am in trouble_ , Sanar thought faintly. _I am actually falling for a subordinate._

**\- Three years later -**

     “ _That’s_ when you knew?” Kaidan asked incredulously. They sat in the apartment on the Citadel, cuddled together on the couch sipping beers and watching the fire.

      “Yes, that’s when I knew,” Sanar shot back defensively. “I’d always been, you know, attracted to you, but I knew I was falling for you at that point. Besides, when did you know, smartass?”

      “The first time I talked to you,” he answered, kissing her nose.

      “Oh my God, Kaidan, you’re such a romantic.” She rolled her eyes, but snuggled a little closer to him.

     “And you love it.”

     “Ok, you got me. I do.”


	2. Nighttime Conversation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sanar and Kaidan each let their guard down. One is exhausted, one has a migraine.

  Being in the military did not always allow Sanar to have a regular sleeping pattern. Back when she enlisted, she had had a naive expectation that her schedule would always be as strictly regimented as it was in basic training. Since then, she’d learned that enemies don’t take naps. Superiors don’t look kindly upon reports to going unfiled just because you’ve been awake for thirty hours at a stretch. Being Commander of the Normandy was a dream come true, but her responsibilities had of course increased with the new post.

      After a long sixteen hour stretch of breaking through the defenses of a very well equipped mercenary base, Sanar wanted nothing more than to curl up on her bed and sleep for another sixteen hours. But her conscience wouldn’t let her sleep until she made sure Garrus and Liara were sleeping properly in the infirmary after Chakwas treated their injuries, and she needed to write the report while it was still fresh, and a dozen other small tasks demanded her attention. By the time she got it all done, she felt absolutely ragged, but she still had enough adrenaline and stims running feverishly through her system that she knew she wouldn’t be able to sleep right.

      By this time, it was well into the sleep cycle and all unessential personnel were in their quarters. Sanar rubbed her aching neck as she padded down the quiet hall, tea packet in hand. The dim orange lighting made the fact that she was awake seem even more surreal. She stopped at the coffee machine to get some hot water and sugar, dumping them in a styrofoam with a mindless efficiency born from years of routine.

      When she turned around to take the tea back to her room, thinking maybe she’d drink it in bed regardless of the rules, she was surprised to see someone slumped at the table. She took a step closer and realized that it was Kaidan, who looked pale even with his head in his hands.

      “Hey Alenko. Didn’t see you there.” Her feet moved almost without her realizing it, and she found herself sitting across from him. “You’re up late.”

      He raised his head, revealing bags under his eyes and more than a hint of five o’clock shadow darkening his cheek. It was surprisingly disarming to see him looking like that.  “Sorry, Shepard,” he said in a hoarse voice. “Spent all day trying to sleep in the med bay, and I still feel don’t feel right. Thought a change of scenery might help, but no luck so far.”

      “One of your migraines?” Sanar asked, speaking more softly than usual.

      All she got in response was a nod in the direction of the table, which amused her. Usually Kaidan stood ramrod straight in her presence, and all she heard was “ma’am” this and “ma’am” that. He must have really been down and out to let his guard down so much around her.

       Inspiration struck her, and she stood up. “Hold on, I’ll be right back.”

      Kaidan let his head drop down on the table. “I’m not going anywhere.”

      After a moment, he heard Shepard’s footsteps, vague noises from the direction of the coffee machine, and then she was back. “Here, try this.” He lifted his head a bit and saw a styrofoam cup in front of him.

      “It’s chamomile tea. I use it to help me fall asleep, but my mom used to swear by it. Said it was good for migraines, inflammation, you name it.” She sat down and raised her cup to him. “I’m sure you’ve tried a million things to help your migraines, but even if it doesn’t help, it’s good for you.”

      Kaidan pulled himself up and sniffed at the tea skeptically. The steam gave off an earthy herbal scent. “I didn’t peg you for liking tea, Shepard.”

      “Yeah, well, call it an indulgence. I get made fun of for it often enough,” she said with a chuckle. “I get the taste for it from my mom.”

      “I’ve never heard you talk about your mom before. None of your family, for that matter.” Kaidan almost missed the way Shepard’s shoulders tensed.

      “Thought it was common knowledge,” she said tonelessly. “I lost my family to Batarian slavers.”

      “Shepard…. damn, I knew that. I just - I didn’t mean it like….” he stammered, wincing when his voice got louder. “It’s just, when you mentioned your mom….”

      Sanar shook her head. “It’s ok. I don’t talk about them much because it still hurts most of the time. Guess I slipped up.” She gave him a half smile to let him know it was okay. “It’s easy to slip up around you,” she added absently, taking a sip of her tea. She missed the way Kaidan’s eyes widened and he almost choked on his tea.

      After that, they slipped into a companionable silence, sipping their tea and listening to the hum of the _Normandy’s_ engines. The chamomile chased the adrenaline out of Sanar’s system, finally allowing her eyes to feel heavy with sleep. When she finally finished her cup, she stood up and threw it away with a yawn.

       “Night, Kaidan,” she said around the yawn. “Feel better,” she added, brushing his shoulder comfortingly with her fingertips as she walked away.

      In the morning, when she was thinking more clearly, she would regret the action - it was too familiar, unbecoming of a commanding officer. Why the hell couldn’t she respect boundaries? She was nervous walking out of the CIC, almost afraid to meet Kaidan’s eye as she made her daily rounds, but he greeted her cheerfully and thanked her for keeping him company the previous night.

       What he didn’t say was how he’d sat awake at the table after she left, thinking about their conversation. The tea hadn’t removed his migraine, but it had actually let him catch a few hours sleep. And the spot where Shepard had brushed his shoulder had almost tingled until he fell asleep.


	3. Post-Horizon Email

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaidan struggles after the encounter on Horizon.

       Kaidan had never been more thankful for his military training than the day he saw Shepard on Horizon. After she had turned away from him and gone back to her shuttle without a goodbye, he was able to go back to his duties. He was able to round up the surviving colonists and organize cleanup and reconnaissance. Keep everything in its neat little box, keep moving on with the tasks that needed to get done.

      Secretly, all that he wanted to do was fall to his knees and scream. His world had fallen apart and rearranged itself in an instant, and everything was off kilter. _She’s alive_ , said every painful beat of his heart. _She’s alive_.

      Late that night, after he’d done everything he could for the colonists and then some, Kaidan retired to the empty bunkhouse. Sleep refused to come to him despite his exhaustion. After tossing and turning for nearly an hour, he sat up in frustration. Against his better judgment, he walked over to the terminal on the room’s tiny desk and opened his email program.

      His emotions roiled in the pit of his stomach. _I can’t leave it like this. I have to talk to her_. He rubbed his hands over his face, exhaling loudly. _What the hell do you say to someone who died?_   He started typing at random, hoping that something would come out right.

                         **\- Shepard, what I said today was out of line but how could you**  
 **\- Shepard, what am I supposed to think about Cerberus**  
 **\- Part of me died with you on Alchera and you ask me how I’ve been**  
 **\- I felt you whole and real in my arms today and part of me thinks you’re still a ghost**  
 **\- I spoke to you today but all the wrong things came out and**  
 **\- Sanar, why couldn’t you at least**

      Kaidan began to unravel when he typed her first name. His biotics abruptly flared out of his control like they hadn’t since BAaT, and he hurled the computer terminal onto the floor. Angry tears flooded down his cheeks, and he held his hand in his hands, trying to calm himself and breathe. Eight counts in, eight counts out. Slowly the crackling blue aurora retreated back into his skin, and he walked to the other side of the room and wiped his face with a towel.

      Luckily, his burst of temper hadn’t destroyed the computer terminal. He spent some time restoring it to its proper place on the desk and fiddling with the wiring, all the while breathing his eight counts. Before he sat down again, he opened one of the staff lockers to remove a flask. Hodgekins won’t need this anymore, he thought as he sat down and opened the email program again.

      It was nearing dawn by the time Kaidan had written a message that was intelligible and to the point. There was no way he’d ever be satisfied with what he’d written, but he forced himself to hit “send.” Even if she didn’t respond, even if she never even got it, he’d sent it. And that would have to be enough.


	4. Reflections

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaidan thinks about the things that make him happy, and how that has changed over the years.

      If someone had asked Kaidan Alenko what made him happy three years ago, he’d probably have given a simple answer. “Just give me a couple of beers, let me sit on my parents’ deck and look at the water, and it can’t get much better.”

      If he’d been asked two years ago, his answer would get a bit more complicated. He probably wouldn’t say anything out loud - he was still getting to know this answer. It would of course be Sanar Shepard, never mind that she was his commanding officer. At first, this private answer would be the way he admired her. How easy it was to talk to her. Later, after Illos, it would entail the things she could do with her lips and her hands behind closed doors, or just the way her eyes lit up just a little bit when she looked his way. Maybe just the his arm went perfectly around her shoulders when they lazed on the couch watching vids.

      Now, his answer to what made him happy was the most complicated. If someone had told Kaidan a few years ago that he’d be happy sitting in the lull of a firefight, eating a mushy energy bar and sweating his ass off on some tropical planet, he’d have laughed. But there they were, in the middle of the Reaper War, getting shot at by Cerberus, and he had a stupid smile on his face. Sanar had just taken her helmet off and scrubbed her fingers through her damp curly hair. Her skin practically glowed with sweat, but her eyes were lit up with something akin to excitement. 

      “Did you see that shot?” she crowed to Garrus. “I practically took his helmet off!”

       _Let me spend some time with Sanar, doing anything. Hell, let me look at her, and I’ll be happy._


	5. A Night Off

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the middle of the Reaper War, Kaidan decides to do something special for Shepard.

      The war was running Shepard ragged. Kaidan could see it, but there were only so many reports he could quietly spirit off her desk, so many calls he could route to Traynor or take himself. He could whisper words of encouragement to her late at night as he held her in his arms. He could watch her six on every mission, but it never seemed like _enough_ , especially after Thessia. The day that she fell asleep in the shower and he had to carry her to bed was the last straw for him.

      Their next shore leave wasn’t scheduled for a month, and he could hardly ask for extra in the middle of a war. After a short conversation with Cortez, though, Kaidan had a bit more of a spring in his step as we walked back to the elevator. If anyone could get the items he needed in wartime, it was the Normandy’s quartermaster. Steve promised that he’d have the stuff in two weeks.

      The items arrived in a week and a half. Cortez deposited the basket in Kaidan’s hands with more solemnity than seemed necessary. “This stuff wasn’t easy to get.” He held Kaidan’s eyes for a moment. “Take good care of her, Major.” The pilot didn’t let Kaidan get another word in before retreating to the elevator, leaving him to wonder who exactly was fooled by the secrecy of his relationship with Shepard.

      Then again, he reflected later as he arranged the items in her cabin, nobody would exactly think this stuff was only for him. He had everything ready just in time; Tali pinged his omnitool a few minutes after he put the finishing touches up. _Couldn’t stall her any longer. She’s on her way up._

      “EDI, could you make sure to lock the door and stop all comms after the Commander enters her cabin?” Kaidan asked in the direction of the ceiling. He was mostly used to the AI’s presence, but he sometimes felt foolish addressing her when her “mobile platform” wasn’t present. _  
_

“It would be my pleasure, Major.” EDI’s voice sounded as smooth as normal, but Kaidan thought he could detect a note of satisfaction in her tone.

     “Uh, and EDI? Could you… log out of the Commander’s quarters until she addresses you?”

      “Of course, Major. Logging you out.” There was definitely a hint of amusement that time.

      Kaidan just had time to sit down on the couch and dim the lights a bit when the door slid open. Sanar came trudging in digging at her temples with her thumbs, but stopped abruptly when she saw what he had done to her cabin.

      Strings of tiny yellow lights were strung across the ceiling in a slightly haphazard crisscross pattern, bathing the room in a soft glow. A bottle of Sanar’s favorite white wine sat chilling in a bucket on the coffee table, which was covered with a red and white checkered tablecloth. Next to that, a small picnic basket held a block of cheese and some wheat crackers, the best that Cortez could find on short notice.

        Shepard stood there staring with her hands seemingly frozen on her head. Kaidan crossed the room and pulled her into his arms, unable to bear the silence. “Hey, I’m sorry if this is… dumb. I just thought you needed something special, after all we’ve been through lately.”

      “It’s fine,” she blurted out, her voice sounding strange. “It’s amazing,” she clarified, finally looking at him. He was shocked to see tears filling up her eyes. “It's just that one’s ever done something like this for me. I’m just kind of in shock right now.”

      Kaidan kissed her forehead and guided her by the elbows down the steps. “Tonight, it’s just you and me. Forget about doing reports, forget about the Reapers. It’s our night off.”

      He hadn’t seen Sanar smile like that in weeks, and it was all the reward he needed.


	6. Something That Needs to be Said

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after the sanity check date, Kaidan and Sanar have a more serious talk

      Sanar poked her head into the starboard observation room, trying to mask her excitement. It had been a busy day on the _Normandy_ , and she hadn’t seen Kaidan since she’d left him snoring softly in her bed that morning. It was probably absurd to feel as excited as she did to have him back on her crew, but she couldn’t help it.

      The room seemed empty at first glance, with the stars floating silently by the bay window. Sanar was just about to leave the lounge and look elsewhere when she saw him smiling at her from one of the reclining chairs on the other side of the room. Maybe it was stupid, but her heart still did a little flip when she saw Kaidan smile, even after all this time.

       “Hey there,” he said in that quiet, husky voice he usually reserved for the bedroom.

       “Hi yourself,” she replied, doing her best to ignore the way her insides melted when he talked like that. “I was just looking for you.” She crossed the room and gave him a quick kiss after looking around to make sure they were really alone.

      Kaidan took both of her hands. “You left without waking me this morning.”

       “I didn’t have the heart to wake you,” she said in surprise. “You looked really tired.”

      “Well, we did wear ourselves out a little after our, uh, sanity check.” He glanced at her with a hint of mischief in his eyes.

       Sanar raised one eyebrow but couldn’t help smiling. “That’s an understatement.” She tugged on his hands a little and he stood and walked with her to the couch.

       “Next time, Shepard? Wake me.”

       “Ok, I will. Promise.” She leaned forward and kissed him again, and this time it was more than just a chaste peck. His arms came around her, one hand caressing her back, and she smiled into the kiss. Sanar knew that neither of them would let their relationship get in the way of the mission - it was too important - but it was hard to think about something so heavy when they were both so happy. Things finally felt right again for the first time in quite a while.

       Kaidan broke away after a few minutes and rested his forehead against hers. “Shepard, there’s something I’ve been meaning to say to you. I’ve needed to say it for a long time.”

       She leaned back a little, searching his face. “Sure. I mean, you know you can tell me anything.”

        “It’s about Horizon,” he said in a pained voice. “An email isn’t enough. The things I said - “  

        “That was so long ago,” she interrupted. “It’s water under the bridge at this point. Besides - “

        “No, I need to,” he said firmly. “I found out what really happened to you, that you were really… dead.” He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment as though just saying it hurt him. “Someone sent me an anonymous email way back after you made it back through the relay. At first i thought it was you, but it was just signed ‘a friend.’”

       Sanar frowned. “What did it say?”

       “It was just dozens of files. Medical stuff, mostly. About the condition of your… your body, when they found it. The reconstructive work they did on you. Why it took them so long to bring you back. It was all there.”

      “Had to be Miranda,” Sanar muttered, looking out the window. “No one else had access to that kind of information. I just don’t know why she’d bother.” She looked back at Kaidan and tried to smooth his furrowed brow. “Hey, don’t worry. Like I said, water under the bridge. Look at us now.”

       “I still need to say it. I’m so sorry for the way I acted. I never should have doubted you. I just wish I had had the chance and the courage to say it before now.” The look on Kaidan’s face was so raw that it brought tears to Sanar’s eyes.

       “Kaidan, it’s ok,” she sighed, stroking the back of his neck soothingly. “There was more i should have said that day, too, if we’re being honest. The whole thing was such a mess. But it doesn’t matter anymore. Right now matters.”

       He nodded mutely and his shoulders slumped like they were letting go of an enormous weight. “Glad you’re here with me, Shepard,” he murmured, pulling her back into his arms.

      “I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.”


	7. Starboard Lounge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sanar and Kaidan have a bit of alone time in the lounge.

     There’s still downtime on the _Normandy_ during the Reaper war. There are reports to write, forces to coordinate, and calls to make. There are still weapons and armor to clean and calibrate. A thousand tasks to take care of between missions. But traveling through deep space still takes a long time, even on a fast cruiser.

     Now that Kaidan’s back on the team, Sanar reads and composes a lot of reports in the Observation Lounge instead of in her cabin. Kaidan often sits next to her, reading reports of his own or catching a quick nap with his head either on her shoulder or in her lap. Sometimes they’re able to catch a rare moment where neither of them are busy with their duties. Then, they can just sit together while they look out the window at the stars, sometimes talking and sometimes sitting in a comfortable silence. Occasionally they’ll crack open a couple of beers and laugh over old memories, and once in a while they’ll sit as close as possible and dare to talk in near-whispers about the future, if there is one.

        And then there are times where Sanar looks up from her beer to see Kaidan just _looking_ at her, and she knows what he’s thinking because it’s on her mind too, all the time. _What if this is all we have left? What if it’s all we ever have?_

        Everything else is forgotten and there’s just not enough time and both of them are far too clothed. Their lips press fervently together, desperate and hungry and Kaidan tangles his fingers through her hair, holding her close as he can, but it’s still not enough. Sanar only gets one boot and one pant leg tugged off before he pulls her onto his lap, and they’re both too lost in the heat of their kisses to be bothered with pulling the rest off for quite a while.

        Sanar laughs breathlessly when Kaidan suddenly shifts to lay her on her back, nipping kisses down her neck. She manages to get her pants and second boot off with her other foot, then her hands go to work on his belt and pants. The second they’re off, Kaidan seizes her hands and pins them above her head, allowing her to stretch luxuriously under him while he continues kissing her neck.

       Neither of them cares that the window shutter is open. All that’s out there is the scatter of stars in space, and no one to see them.

      Afterwards they lie together on the narrow couch, not minding the awkward tangle of their limbs or the fact the Kaidan’s arm is falling asleep supporting Sanar’s head like a pillow. He looks down at her while stroking her cheek with his fingertips - with such an expression on his face, something she can’t describe but it’s like she’s an anchor or a lifeline to him. She hopes that her eyes convey the same thing.

       “I love you,” he whispers, and suddenly Sanar realizes that is enough. Even if this is all they ever have, and even if it is all the time that they have left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was inspired by this lovely bit of fanart: http://enrychan.tumblr.com/post/51309441973/and-a-bonus-probably-my-reaction-to-that  
> it's by enrychan on Tumblr and it's lovely!


	8. This One's Intimate Apparel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Silly drabble about a shopping date and the way the hanar name their stores

      “You’ve gotta be kidding me,” Kaidan groaned, rubbing a hand over his eyes. “I never would have believed in a million years that there really was a store called ‘This One’s Intimate Apparel.”

       “Told you,” Sanar smirked, looping her arm through his. “You owe me a drink.” She tugged at his arm a bit, and they slowly walked past the Presidium shop.

      “Do you think it’s really run by a hanar?” he mused, squinting as he peered into the shop. “Actually, you know what? I don’t want to know the answer to that.” His steps slowed just slightly, and Sanar looked in the window to see what had caught his attention.

       A cream-colored bra with delicate, seafoam green lace across the cups hung suspended in the window, with a matching thong hanging just underneath. Sanar watched in amusement as Kaidan swallowed hard and shifted his belt subtly with one hand.

       “You were imagining me wearing that, weren’t you?” she asked him slyly.

       “It was that obvious, huh?” A dull red flush crept up Kaidan’s neck, made all the more obvious by his attempt to look casual.

       “Only to me,” she said kindly. “Wait here a second.” Sanar disappeared into the shop, leaving Kaidan to try not to stare at the window display.

      It was only a short time before she came back out, bearing a pink-ribboned bag with the phrase “This One Thanks You!” on the side. Kaidan fell in step beside her.

       “Wait… did you actually buy that set?” he asked incredulously. “I mean, not that I’m complaining, but I’ve never seen you buy anything that’s not, uh… practical.”

       “So what?” Sanar rolled her eyes and then leaned in towards his ear. “I’m only going to wear them for you,” she said in a low voice. “And maybe,” she continued in a conversational tone, “I could wear them under my dress blues next time we’re at a ceremony, and I’ll ping you that I have them on.”

       “You wouldn’t,” Kaidan smirked, but she noticed the blush on his neck deepening.

       “We’ll see,” Sanar said enigmatically.  “I mean, for now we could just go back to Anderson’s apartment and give them a little test drive.” 

       “Aaaand we’re going with option number three,” Kaidan said, steering her towards a quick transport console.

       “Thought you’d say that. Although you still do owe me that drink. I bet you won’t believe me that there’s also a store called ‘Snap Crackle and Shock Defense Solutions down the way either.”

      Kaidan shook his head as he opened the door of the skycar for her. “I’ve learned my lesson. Not betting against you again.”


	9. Waking Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of the Citadel crash and the Reaper War, post destroy ending. Little fluffy hospital snippet.

      It was strangely familiar, waking up after being in the dark for so long. This time though, instead of a cool white room smelling of antiseptic, Sanar opened her eyes to choking dust and the smell of blood. She tried to move her head to look around, but her body refused to respond. She was so _tired_. One more attempt to move told her that her arm was pinned under something. Her eyes closed again. At least it was quiet and dark, wherever she was.

      The next time Sanar opened her eyes, it was still dark, but she could vaguely hear people shouting, and the sound of many feet scrambling over rocks and metal. “I’m here,” she said - or tried to say. Nothing would come out of her mouth but a dry croak. She tried tapping her comm unit, but she still couldn’t move, and then vaguely remembered that she’d lost her helmet at some point. Her eyes squeezed shut against a sudden bright light, and she slipped back down into the dark. She couldn’t hear the triumphant shouts or feel any of the hands lifting debris away from her.

       Sanar drifted through darkness for what felt like years. It wasn’t the terrifying weightlessness of deep space - when she was aware at all, the drifting felt like floating gently down a river. Sometimes, she could hear voices, sometimes familiar, and sometimes not. Once, she thought she heard Miranda yelling at someone, and Sanar would have smiled if she could have. People bustled around her as vague, blurry shapes, and gentle beeping machines became the only constant sound. _Commander Shepard, can you hear me?_ was repeated to her every once in a while, but she felt too heavy and tired to open her eyes and answer.

       As time passed, she started to discern people standing by her bed. Sometimes she could even piece together some of what they were saying. _We had to amputate, there was no…. We’re monitoring her brain activity, she’s …. no response yet, but she experiences rapid eye movement…. massive reconstructive surgery…. nerve damage…. miracle that she’s still….  of course she’s heavily sedated, the pain she’d be in would be catastrophic…._ It was always the doctors, sometimes Miranda. But one voice evaded Sanar, the one she wanted to hear the most. _  
_

And then, after what seemed like ages, she suddenly heard him. Kaidan’s voice struck her ears like a hammer against a bell. Even in her strange, half dreaming state, Sanar recognized the taut control in his tone, where he was trying to hold everything in. She wanted more than anything to _see_ him, but her eyelids simply wouldn’t open. Sensation in her fingers told her that he was next to the bed, holding her limp hand between both of his.

       “Shepard,” he whispered, her name falling from his lips like something sacred. “I came as soon as I could.” The last thing Sanar felt before she drifted off again was Kaidan kissing her hand, so softly that she might dreamed it.

      Fuzzy shapes greeted her when she was finally to open her eyes. The dim light from the bedside lamp -stabbed her eyes painfully, and Sanar blinked several times before her vision adjusted. Her neck creaked like an old rusty hinge when she turned her head, but the pain was worth it. Kaidan sat slumped in a chair to her right, his head resting on the edge of her hospital bed and his fingers curled around hers. His hair had gone a little grayer at the temples, there were new lines at the corners of his eyes, and he looked like he hadn’t shaved in weeks. He was the most beautiful sight she’d ever seen in her life.

       She must have sighed or made some noise while she watched him, because his eyes flew open suddenly and he nearly fell out of his chair. “Shepard?” he breathed, his grip on her hand tightening. “Are you… can you hear me?”

      “Hey.” The word dragged out of Sanar’s throat like the scrape of sandpaper.

        Kaidan pressed his forehead to her chest, trembling with pent-up emotion. “God, Shepard,” he whispered. His eyes were wet when he looked back up at her again. “I really thought you weren’t going to wake up.”

       “How long?”

      “Almost three months. The _Normandy_ made it back to Earth yesterday.”

        “Did… did everyone make it?”

        Kaidan looked down sadly. “Not EDI. But everyone else is fine. They’re all waiting in the lobby, driving the nurses crazy.”

        Sanar wheezed out a rusty laugh. “I’d like to see that.” Kaidan pressed his lips to her hand again, and suddenly nothing was enough - even sitting right next to the bed, he was too far away. She tried to pull him in close, but her arm wouldn’t obey her.

         He understood her look of frustration immediately. “The doctors have been weaning you off the heavy pain meds. It’s going to take a while before you get your strength back.”

       “I’m not a delicate little invalid,” she huffed in annoyance, even though she knew that was precisely what she was.

       “Far from it,” Kaidan agreed, his mouth quirking into a little smile. “I just don’t want to hurt you.”

      “Get over here,” she grated out, tugging weakly at his arm. “It’s been three damn months.” Kaidan leaned over her, bracing his hands on both sides of her pillow and kissing her softly. It wasn’t quite what she wanted - she _wanted_ him to climb in the bed with her and hold her close until they both fell asleep -  but it would have to be enough for the moment. Later they could grieve over their lost friends, and take stock of the damage she’d taken and begin the road toward healing together. Right now, she felt exhausted just from holding her eyes open this long.

       “I’m not going anywhere, Sanar. I promise.” Kaidan sat back down in his chair and scooted it a little closer to the bed.

       She nodded weakly, her eyes sliding shut by themselves. “I’m glad it was you,” she murmured.

       “Hmm?”

      “Last time I woke up from dying, I was alone. Glad it’s you here this time.”

       “Me too.”


	10. Coming Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sanar finally gets released from the hospital after the Reaper War. She and Kaidan share a quiet moment in his apartment. Fluffy fluff everywhere.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The original prompt was: you’re safe as long as you don’t imagine your otp slow dancing to ‘the way you look tonight’ in their pjs in the kitchen of their new house at 3am with their heads resting on each other’s shoulders if you do imagine that then you’re ruined im sorry. And it did ruin me. And then the story exploded into something else entirely because I’m totally incapable of writing anything short.

  
  
    Sanar hobbled out of the skycar, balancing carefully on her crutches. She was still a little weak even after all the PT, and definitely not used to her prosthetic leg yet. But she’d adamantly refused to stay in the hospital a second longer while other people needed the bed more than she did. The doctors had finally released her after she’d promised to keep up her exercises at home and come in for regular checkups and PT appointments.

      She looked around while she waited for Kaidan to get out of the skycar. The apartment building sat at the edge of Vancouver in a quiet neighborhood, but all these months later, signs of the war were still everywhere. Enormous scorch marks still blackened the road, and the storefronts across the street were nothing but bombed-out shells. But there were also signs of life returning to the city: crews labored even this late at night to move rubble into garbage trucks, and there were even some tiny sapling trees planted in the median down the street. There was a construction team’s equipment locked down for the night just a few doors down, waiting to finish fixing the power lines under the ripped-up sidewalk. 

       After contemplating the neighborhood, Sanar looked over her shoulder and grinned at Kaidan, who was pulling her duffle bag out of the skycar’s trunk. He jogged the short distance to catch up with her at the building’s entrance. 

       “Eager, huh?” he asked, waving his omni-tool over the keypad.

       “You kidding? Anywhere that’s not that hospital is going to be amazing.” They went through a bare little lobby and stepped into the elevator. When the doors closed, Sanar smiled, nudging his foot with her crutch. “By the way, thanks for having me.” Kaidan’s face lit up with that slow, shy smile that took years off of his face, and he pulled her carefully into a one-armed hug and kissed her temple.

      The elevator dinged when they reached the ninth floor. The corridor outside was clean, but dimly lit to save power, and it was only a short distance to Kaidan’s apartment. Sanar tapped her fingers against her crutches while Kaidan unlocked the door, her heart beating quicker than normal.

      With the threat of the Reapers looming over them, Sanar and Kaidan had barely dared to talk about the future. There was too much riding on both of them, and it had been too painful to hope for anything beyond one day at a time. Then, during Sanar’s long, painful recovery after being pulled from the Citadel’s rubble, there just hadn’t been any time. Kaidan had too many responsibilities, and he’d been trying to keep their conversations light whenever he came to visit her in the hospital. He _had_ slipped one day and mentioned living together when she got out, but it hadn’t gone further than that. And now they were taking a huge step in their relationship that _should_ have felt small after all they’d been through. Sanar exhaled a long breath when Kaidan opened the door and stepped aside to let her in.

       The apartment reminded her a little of the pre-fab homes back on Mindoir, modern and compact and simple. Even though Kaidan had only been living there for a few months, she could see little signs of him here and there against the otherwise sparse furnishings. A soft checkered blanket lay folded on one end of the couch, and an old Alliance issue hoodie was draped over one of the armrests. There was a neat stack of datapads perched on one corner of the coffee table, next to a small holo-picture of Kaidan and his parents in front of English Bay.    


    Sanar went around the corner into the little kitchen while Kaidan set her bag down by the door. Her crutches clacked quietly against the tiles. Kaidan had clearly been planning for her: a brand new red kettle sat on the stove, and there was a little basket of tea packets and a pair of mismatched mugs next to it. She turned around with a little hop when he walked into the kitchen behind her.

       “So, uh… what do you think?” he asked. “I mean, I know it’s not anything like the apartment on the Citadel, but - “

       “Kaidan, it’s perfect,” she interrupted.

        “Hmm,” he said, pretending to consider. “Well, now that you’re here, I guess it is.”

       “Oh my _God_ , you’re still such a sap,” Sanar said fondly.

       “But you still love it.”

       “You got me.” She leaned her crutches against the wall and reached both hands out to Kaidan. He crossed the room and put his arms around her waist, letting her lean against his chest. He reached around her to fiddle with something behind her back, and music started playing softly from a sound file in his omni-tool. It was nothing Sanar had ever heard before, but she knew it was something really old.

      Kaidan hummed along with the music, running his lips over the shell of her ear. _Unforgettable, that’s what you are/_ _Unforgettable, though near or far…._ Sanar put her arms around his neck, letting him support most of her weight, and they started to sway in slow circles in the middle of the kitchen floor.

      “I always knew you were a romantic,” she said teasingly. “This music is practically pre-spaceflight, isn’t it?”

      “Come on, Shepard. Nat King Cole is a _classic,_ even hundreds of years after his time.”

       “All right, all right, I never said he wasn’t,” Sanar laughed. She laid her head on his shoulder and sighed, closing her eyes and letting the sweet old music wash over her. Kaidan’s arms were warm and strong around her, shutting out the memories of the last several months. When he pressed his lips to her forehead, a curl of bliss bloomed in her chest. “Glad we’re finally home,” she murmured.

       “Home, huh?” Kaidan asked quietly, stopping their slow spin.

       “Yeah… I mean, if that’s okay.”

        She felt him laugh a little and his hand came up to cradle the back of her head. “It’s more than okay.” He rested his cheek against hers and just held her as the song wound down, stroking the barely-there red fuzz of her hair and the slow-fading scars on her neck.

      _And forever more, That’s how you’ll stay…_


	11. Just A Little Longer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lazy Saturday morning after the Reaper War has ended. Kaidan and Sanar domestic fluff.

      Kaidan wakes up slowly from the deepest sleep he’s had in weeks. He returns to consciousness slowly, like swimming to the surface from the bottom of a deep pool. When his eyes finally open, the first thing he sees is Sanar, sleeping just as soundly as he had been moments before. He’s glad - she’s had trouble sleeping through the night ever since she came home from the hospital. _I keep seeing Anderson die in front of me,_ she would whisper as Kaidan holds her close. _I keep seeing the Citadel falling on top of me and I can’t get out._

      Now, though, she’s lying on her side in a nest of sheets and blankets, having stolen all of them in the night. He doesn’t mind - his biotics make him run hot, and he ends up kicking them off half the time anyway. Sanar’s mouth is slightly open, and her hair is finally growing long enough to curl and get messy while she sleeps. She’s curled close to him, with one hand resting on his chest and her head tucked under his chin and her feet tangled up with his.

      Kaidan’s stomach rumbles suddenly, demanding coffee and sausage and pancakes. He has a mind to get up and make them and bring them to Sanar in bed, so he starts to get up slowly, trying not to wake her. No luck. The minute he starts moving, she stirs too. Her eyes flutter open and she smiles sleepily at him.

      “‘Ey,” she says drowsily, and Kaidan has to kiss her then, first because she’s adorable when she’s tired and then again because she looks beautiful, even with her tousled hair and her slowly healing scars and the way she can barely keep her eyes open.

      “You stay here,” he tells her. “I’m gonna make us some breakfast and I’ll be right back.”

      “No,” she grumbles, closing her eyes and sliding both arms around his waist. “It’s too cold, and it’s Saturday. Stay here.”

      “That’s Vancouver in the fall for you,” Kaidan laughs, kissing her forehead and trying to extricate himself from her grasp.

      Sanar just holds on tighter, nuzzling against his t-shirt. “Stay another couple of minutes,” she pleads.

      “Hey, come on now, I’m hungry!” he protests, but he can’t help laughing at her.

      “All you biotics think about is food,” she gripes, pulling her body flush against him and sliding one leg between both of his.

     “Ah… that’s not all I think about.” Suddenly the need to eat is replaced by the need to stay in bed. “I guess I could stay a few more minutes,” Kaidan says huskily, lying back down and folding Sanar into his arms.

      He kisses her awake slowly, and she stretches languorously again, sighing with pleasure as he runs his hands up and down her back, tracing old and new scars. The few minutes he’d promised quickly turn into more, the heat building between them until they are exploring one another’s skin with fingers and lips, touching and tasting and coming together slowly and unhurriedly.

      Afterwards, as they hold each other and come down from the high, Sanar laughs at him when his stomach lets out a particularly loud rumble.

      “Ok, get up. Sorry I kept you from your food,” she jokes, patting his stomach. “Let’s go make something?”

      “Yeah, I had pancakes and sausage on my mind.”

      “Hopefully some sliced fruit with that?”

      “Yes, mom,” he quips.

      Kaidan is barely able to duck the pillow that she chucks at his head.


	12. Fireworks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gift fic I wrote for mrsalenko on Tumblr. Silly drabble about a happy moment after the Reaper War.

      "Okay, so you _still_ won’t tell me what we’re doing?” Sanar asked for the fourth time.

      “C’mon, have a little faith in me,” Kaidan laughed. He steered their skycar expertly into a parking spot with only one hand on the wheel. “Besides, it’s your own fault for forgetting what day it is.”

      She got out of the car and followed him through the parking lot and into a grassy area, dodging other couples and families lounging on blankets. “It’s not either of our birthdays,” she insisted. “Not our anniversary, either.” They started climbing a little hill, and Kaidan tucked her arm into his.

     “You’ll figure it out soon enough.” When they reached the top of the hill, Kaidan pulled his backpack off and pulled out a blanket for them to sit on. He spread it out in the grass and patted the spot next to him.

      Shepard grumbled a little as she sat down, but rested her head on his shoulder anyway. The view was beautiful: Vancouver spread itself out below them, the water reflecting the lights of the city. The sun was almost all the way down, with only a few red rays peeking over the horizon. Fireflies began to dance lazily around the hill, lighting up here and there.

     Kaidan cracked open a beer from his backpack and then offered one to Sanar. She accepted and they sat in a comfortable silence for a while, enjoying the warm night air and the simple feeling of sitting shoulder to shoulder together. Their hands entwined on the blanket of their own accord, and Sanar started lazily stroking his palm with her fingertips.

      “Never thought we’d get moments like this,” Kaidan finally said. “You know, during the war.”

     “Feels good, doesn’t it?” She sipped her beer thoughtfully. “I guess I didn’t expect that we’d ever get to do normal stuff like this, either, now that you say that. I didn’t have much expectation that I’d survive.”

      He pressed a kiss on her shoulder. “Glad we beat the odds.” He looked at his watch briefly, then grinned at her. “It should be starting soon.”

     “ _What_ should be starting soon?” Shepard asked in exasperation. “You’ve been so determined to give me a surprise - “

      A flash of color and a far off _boom_ interrupted her. Down over the water, color explosions rocketed off of boats and the tops of buildings. Initially, Shepard’s head had snapped in that direction, her body going tense, but Kaidan squeezed her hand reassuringly.

     “It’s been two years,” he said quietly in her ear. “Two years since we beat the Reapers. Can’t believe you didn’t remember.”

     “I was a little occupied recovering from getting a _Citadel dropped on me_ ,” she said tartly, trying to mask her embarrassment.

      Kaidan kissed her cheek. “I know. Couldn’t help teasing you a little.”

      Sanar shifted forward on the blanket until she was sitting between his legs, then leaned back against his chest. “You get to be my backrest, then.”

      “Small price to pay,” he laughed, and settled his arms around her.

      The fireworks splashed colors across the water below them, firing from almost every building in the city. Sanar and Kaidan watched contentedly from their spot on the hill, laughing and gasping along with the rest of the crowd as each rocket burst over the water. It felt good to both of them to be part of something so ordinary and festive, and even better that they were together.


	13. Summer Heat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short little drabble, a few years post war. Sanar is having a rough day during her pregnancy. Fluffy fluff.

      When Kaidan came in from the garage and set the bags of groceries on the kitchen counter, he noticed something odd. The room was so cold that he could almost see his breath, and it was _July_. He squinted over at the thermostat and shook his head - it read 15 C. He dialed it up a few degrees and walked out into the living room, smiling when he saw his wife.

      Sanar was lying on the couch with two mini-fans blowing cool air at her. Her dark red curls, grown out since the war, were plastered to her forehead, and Kaidan paused to admire the glow of her skin. She hated it, but he thought the pink blush suited her amazingly. She wore a maternity tank top over her swollen midsection, and her running shorts lay discarded on the floor. A stack of reports sat abandoned on the coffee table in front of her.

       “You did this to me,” she groaned, throwing one arm over her eyes. “I did not sign up to be pregnant during the hottest summer Vancouver has ever known.”

      “Yeah, I guess I am to blame, huh?” Kaidan laughed as he lifted up her legs and sat at the end of the couch. Sanar made a pleased sound when he started massaging her feet and ankles. “Would it help if I said I picked up two pints of your favorite chocolate ice cream at the store?”

        She peeked at him over her arm. “A little.”

        Kaidan reached forward and gently put his palm against her stomach. “How’s he doing?” he asked softly.

       “Making me hot,” Sanar groused. “Doing flips until I can’t concentrate on any of my work.”

       “I’ll make you an ice pack.” When Kaidan returned from the kitchen, Sanar was sitting up with her hair spread across the back of the couch.

       “Sorry I’ve been such a pain in the ass lately,” she said with a tired smile.

       “You’re not being a pain in the ass,” he answered, settling the towel-wrapped ice pack over her neck. “And even if you were, you’ve got a tiny human being in there. I’d say you’ve earned the right.”

       Sanar squeezed his hand and then brought it up to her lips to kiss his knuckles. “You’re the best, you know that?”

        “Hey, I try.” Kaidan kissed her hand in turn. “You need anything else?”

        “Just you,” she said sleepily. “Stay with me a while.”

        Even though there were a hundred things Kaidan needed to do, not the least of which was putting away the melting ice cream in the kitchen, nothing could have moved him from the couch after that.


	14. Animal Adoption

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Post war, Kaidan and Shepard are settling into a routine and helping to rebuild. A little dog throws things upside down for a while. Domestic fluff.

    Kaidan yawned while his coffee percolated noisily in its holder. He missed the French press he’d had before the war, but it seemed selfish to buy something like that now. The machine rattled ominously, gurgling out its last few drops of precious coffee while Kaidan filled the kettle with water for Sanar’s tea. He could hear her shuffling around in the bathroom down the hall.

      He looked absently out the window and took a sip of his coffee. The sun was barely up, but he could see that the construction across the street was coming along nicely. It was good to see things being rebuilt. Good to see life returning to normal after so much destruction.

     As if on cue, Sanar walked into the kitchen. She looked so much better after just a few months of physical therapy. Her scars were fading, and her hair had grown out long enough to curl again. She’d grown so used to her prosthetic leg that she barely walked with a limp, and insisted that she could try running soon. She smiled and wrapped one arm around Kaidan’s waist to kiss his cheek.

     “Morning. How’d you sleep?” she asked, reaching for her mug.

     Kaidan watched her head bowed over the tea basket, her routine of measuring sugar and selecting her favorite tea already so familiar to him. They had come so close to not having these tiny, quiet moments together that even something as mundane as making coffee and tea in the morning felt precious. He bent to kiss the back of her neck. “Great. How did - ”

      “Oh my God, Kaidan, there’s a dog!” Sanar exclaimed, pointing out the window.

      “Where?”

      “There, he’s crawling out of the construction zone… oh my God. I think he’s hurt.” Sanar whirled around, her tea forgotten, and stumbled out of the kitchen as fast as she could. 

     “Shepard, we’ve got to get you to PT in half an hour!” Kaidan called after her, abandoning his own cup. 

      “But Kaidan, there’s a _dog_ ,” she repeated, as if this explained everything. After shoving her foot into a running shoe, she started out of the apartment for the elevator. Kaidan paused for a few seconds before following her, and he slipped into the elevator beside her just before the doors closed. Sanar tapped her foot impatiently the whole ride down.

     “Are you sure you saw a dog?” he asked as they left the building. “So many animals died in the Reaper attacks, it’s been ages since I’ve seen one.”

      “Which of us has the sniper training, huh?” She shoved his shoulder playfully while looking back and forth along the street. “I know what I saw, he was limping pretty bad… wait, there!” She pointed and took off down the street, huffing impatiently when she couldn’t move as fast as she wanted to. 

     Kaidan followed and finally saw the dog huddled against a dumpster near the construction area. It was a sad-looking, shaggy little mutt that had so much mud caked on its fur that it was impossible to tell what color it really was. It had a small gash across one of its back legs, and it was obviously in a lot of pain. It tried to run from Sanar when she got close, but couldn’t put any weight on the injured leg.

      “Here, little guy,” she said quietly, lowering herself slowly into a sitting position with her prosthetic stretched in front of her. “I’m not going to hurt you.” She cautiously extended her hand toward the dog, and before Kaidan could warn her not to, she was petting its head. The dog shivered and pressed itself closer to the dumpster, but made no move to bite her. “That’s it. Come on and we’ll get you all patched up.” After several minutes, the dog stopped shivering and let Sanar get a little closer, and then yet a little closer. Finally, she scooped the dog carefully into her arms, and reached out to Kaidan so he’d help her up. 

      “Go ahead of me and get your med kit out. Treating a dog can’t be too different from a wounded soldier, right?”

      “You know Dr. Wan is going to kill you for missing PT, right?”

      Sanar shrugged. “I’ll ping them to reschedule me. I haven’t missed one yet, it’ll be fine.”

      Together, they got the dog back into their apartment and set him in the kitchen sink. He stared mournfully at the two of them while they washed him in warm water, but didn’t try to escape. “Poor little guy,” Sanar murmured. “He’s probably been on his own for a while. Look at this, he’s all ribs.” 

      Once they dried the dog off, his fur was a wiry-haired white with creamy patches, like a toasted marshmallow. Kaidan patched up his leg with some medi-gel and field bandages while Sanar rooted in the pantry for some canned beef soup. “It’ll have to do till we find him some dog food, I guess.” The dog scarfed down the food in less than a minute and looked up hopefully for more.

     “We’ll wait a while before we feed him again,” Kaidan decided. “He could go into shock if we give him too much at once.”

    “Come on, little buddy,” Sanar called. The dog trotted after her, already at ease. She sat on the couch and scooped him up in a dry towel, patting his head. Kaidan leaned against the doorframe to watch her. This was another of those moments he wanted to capture and keep forever. Sanar looked up and saw him watching, and patted the couch beside her. 

      Kaidan sat and saw that the dog was already asleep. “He needs a name. What about Scout?”

      “Kaidan, I don’t know if we can keep him. We both have duties, and what happens if we get deployed again sometime?”

      “Just until he gets better,” he assured her. “I mean, it’s not like there’s really a working animal shelter around that could take him.”

    “Scout, huh?” Sanar scratched behind the dog’s ears. “It works. He survived the Reapers, after all. He and I have a lot in common. But just until he gets better, then I think we need to find him a different home.”

      Six months passed, and Scout was still sleeping at the foot of their bed. “He needs to get more meat on his bones,” Sanar protested when Kaidan teased her. “I’d feel bad giving him up now, just when he’s starting to make progress.” And after a year, when Scout was accompanying Sanar on her morning run every day, she’d forgotten that she ever wanted to give him away


	15. Christmas Eve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaidan and Sanar have their first Christmas after the Reaper War

     The kitchen timer dinged softly, startling Sanar out of her sleepy contemplation of her red-striped Christmas socks. She grabbed her oven mitts and lifted the tray of tree-shaped cookies out of the oven - they were perfect, not even a hint of burnt edges this time. After setting them on a rack to cool, she walked into the living room and paused in the doorway.

      Thick snowflakes fell through the darkness outside, hitting the windows with tiny  _piffs._ Christmas music warbled from the portable speakers on the coffee table, next to half-empty mugs of cooling cider. The freshly cut Christmas tree twinkled with its strands of white lights in one corner. It had been a pain, driving two hours to find a Christmas tree farm that was actually active so soon after the war, but the end result was clearly worth it. Kaidan stood in front of the tree, dressed in a checked flannel shirt with the sleeves rolled up and holding a box of ornaments in his hands. An overwhelming feeling of  _home_ hit Sanar out of nowhere and she felt her eyes welling up. Kaidan turned around as though he felt her eyes on him and smiled.

       “Hey, it smells great in there. Are the cookies ready?”

       “Yeah.” She furtively wiped her eyes. “You know I can’t cook worth a damn, but I make a mean gingerbread cookie.” She walked over to him and put an arm around his waist. “Tree looks good so far. Want some help?”

        For a while they worked in companionable silence, listening to the Christmas music and occasionally remarking on the ornaments they found in the box. (”Did Grunt make this? What’s it supposed to be?” “Liara got us this one, I think.” “Joker sent this replica  _Normandy_ ornament,I think we have three of those now.”) Finally there was only one thing left in the box, a small package wrapped in old, crackly tissue paper. Sanar unwrapped it carefully to find a small glass ball with what might have been a faded reindeer painted on.

      “Where did this one come from?” she asked.

       Kaidan reddened a bit. “Oh, uh, my mom sent that one over. I made it when I was a kid. She thinks it’s cute. We don’t have to put it on the tree.”

      “Yeah, we definitely do!” Sanar laughed, holding it out of his reach. “I made all kinds of ornaments like this when I was a kid. They were all sad imitations of snowflakes. Since we don’t have any of them here, this one’s going up.” She squinted at the ball. “Does this reindeer have five legs?”

      “No, I think that’s supposed to be an antler….”

      Once the questionable reindeer was hung in a place of honor on the front of the tree, Shepard went back to the kitchen for a plate of cookies and fresh cups of hot cider. Kaidan had turned the lights off in the living room and dialed down the volume of the Christmas music. He sat on the couch with their warmest green blanket, patting the space next to him for Sanar to sit. Once she unhooked her prosthetic leg, she sat down and snuggled into his arms happily. 

      “It’s been a long time since I had a Christmas at home,” Kaidan said after pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

      “Me too. I’ve almost always been deployed. I mean, I preferred it that way. Christmas hasn’t really felt like Christmas to me since I lived on Mindoir.  _You_  had to have missed your family.”

      “I did.” For a while they sat basking in the tree’s gentle glow and watching the snowflakes fall outside. It was warm under the blanket and against Kaidan’s chest, and Sanar began to feel her eyelids drooping. “Hey, Shepard?”

      “Yeah?”

      “What you said before, about Christmas not feeling like Christmas… is there anything I can do?”

      Sanar turned in his arms to look up at him. “Kaidan, this is the best Christmas I’ve had since I was fifteen. I’m not on a ship or in a bar alone trying to pretend it’s not Christmas. I mean, I’m at  _home_  with someone I love. What more could you do?”

      Kaidan brought her hand in his up to his lips and kissed it. “I’m glad you feel that way,” he said quietly. After a moment he squeezed her hand and laughed a little. “Well, I did forget to get us stockings. It’s not Christmas without stockings.”

      She rolled her eyes and snuggled close to him again. “We could hang some old socks on the wall, if that would make you feel better.”

      “ _Socks_? Come on. A sock is  _not_  a Christmas stocking. There’s a huge difference.”

      Sanar reached over to her prosthesis where it leaned on the couch and peeled the sock off of the chrome-plated foot. “Here,” she smirked, dangling it in front of Kaidan. “It even has a festive Christmas pattern.”

      To her surprise, Kaidan took the sock from her hand and disentangled himself from the blanket. Before she could protest, he swiped the remaining sock off of her foot and hung both on the shelf, using a couple of books to anchor them.

      “There,” he said. “ _Now_  we have a perfect Christmas.”

       She rolled her eyes again but couldn’t help smiling as he sat down and pulled her in for a kiss. “It already was,” she said against his lips. 


End file.
